2012: a fresh start

I took a few months off, regrettably, but I'm back now and I plan to keep this blog up for real this time! I've always loved blogging and journaling, and lately I've been neglecting it (and many other things I love) because I've been so upset, depressed, and stressed out because of work. I won't get into it here, because I'm tired of dwelling on negative things. I have to forced myself to think of really random things when going to sleep at night just so I CAN sleep. So anyway, I wanted to post yesterday, but I always wanted to do a little blog re-design for the new year, so I thought I'd wait until I was done to make my entry. Whatdya think? I'm loving it so far! It's cute and it makes me happy to look at, so I'd say "success!"

Since I've got a few more things I need to tackle before I get ready to go back to work tomorrow, I'll go ahead and list the obligatory New Year's Resolutions:

1. Force myself to do things that make me happy, regardless of how stressed/fatigued I am.
I've already started with making time to bake things, shoot some photos, and I'm even putting together some art to go in my very first show next Friday! Work has got me so stressed that I literally have no energy to do anything when I get home. Not to mention I'm being forced to stay late, even when there's no work to do. But anyway. I'm determined this year to make my life more about ME and the things I want to do, and not just pouring everything I am into work.

2. Lose 20lbs.
I know. It's on the list every year, but I'm hoping by forcing me to shift into making my happiness a priority, that I'll actually accomplish this goal in 2012. I tried really hard last year, the hardest I've tried in a while, but only managed to fluctuate the same 10lbs for the entire year. This year, I'm not dwelling on the past. I'm hitting the gym, training to run a 5k, and fueling my body with what it needs to accomplish this. I'm not counting calories or following any program. After counting calories all year and only ending up adding more stress to my life, I feel confident knowing that I can chose what to eat to meet my goals.

3. Blog 3 times a week.
Blogging has been a goal for a few years now, but I really feel like I'm ready to put my blog up there with the list of "Things That Make Me Happy." I love looking back after blogging a year or so just to see what I accomplished and to reminisce on fond memories.

4. Open an Etsy store. For real this time
I had an Etsy store about a year ago that sold my photographic prints, but after only one sale, I let it go my the wayside. I love photography, but I wasn't really passionate about making money from it. I have some ideas this time that I feel I can really get behind, and I'm hoping I'll be able to profit from it both mentally and monetarily. It'll either be selling crafts, or vintage clothing/accessories. We'll see!

5. Find a new job.
Yea. Like I said, I really don't want to get into it, because every time I vent about things on the interwebs, I get in trouble. Or so it seems. So to avoid that, I'm going to just leave that goal at that. Really though, I'm just ready to not live in the deep south anymore. So really, this goal could be "move out of the south." I wanna live somewhere where it snows!



What are you goals? Do you complete yours from 2011? I tried to find my 2011 resolutions... and I don't think I made any! Or, at least any that I wrote down. Oh well. Happy New Year, y'all!

changes

I guess I sometimes feel like I have nothing to post when I don't have an outfit. But, honestly, that's not true. I used to use my blog as an outlet for frustration and angst, because I have a hard time opening up to people. I want to talk about my problems, but most of the time I don't know how to say what's wrong. Sometimes, I'm just upset, at life, at myself... Sometimes I have to write it all out to get to the root of the problem. Then I can talk about it, or just let it go.

There are a lot of changes happening where I work... most of which I thought would be good, but as it goes, I'm having a hard time adjusting. We're expanding our department which is always a good thing, right? Except that expanding meant dividing up our department to make room for new hires. So now, instead of being around the rest of my department, I'm separated, wayyyyy down the hall, alone... or at least until the new guys come in. I'm now working in a much bigger area, which is great; I now have more than enough room to print, cut, and mount of the signs we do for the casino/hotel.

I broke down today after holding everything in yesterday. Yesterday was such an awful day. I wasn't ready to move. And apparently, no one else was. I was working, and all of the sudden, I'm moving my computer, following the large-format printers down the hallway. Oh, but we don't have the new people yet, no computers for them to work on; we're missing a printer in the general vicinity; no water cooler; no cutting-mats on the brand-new tables. It's a mess. My co-worker and I moved our entire office down the hall. By. Our. Selves. Apparently, everyone else was too busy. Ugh. I have never been so exhausted after a day at work that is primarily a desk job.

It will get better. I'll have a hand in hiring new people and they better be awesome or this new arrangement will not work... and they better have awesome taste in music.

I am my hair

Ah. I feel like myself again. After ombre-ing my hair, I was left with the STONG urge to bust out my Manic Panic collection and finish the job... because that's how I felt: unfinished. I've never bleached or lightened my hair just to do it, or without then using a crazy color to dye over it. Since I work for a bigger corporation, I figured anything even slightly abnormal would be prohibited, so I just never even thought about trying. But after a brief convo with my boss, where I said "I really really wanted to dye it purple, or pink, or teal after I bleached it..." to which he responded, "Why didn't you?" I suddenly began to seriously considered doing it, even though I figured I would eventually have to undo it once someone from another department or something saw me and went all tattletale on me and ruined my fun. But then, BUT THEN... we all went down to the employee cafeteria for lunch, and lo and behold there was another employee in a chef uniform with PINK extensions weaving in and out of her braided dreds. (!!!) I saw her, of course, because I notice things like that, and I took that as my go-ahead sign... which was only confirmed moments later by my boss who said "Did you see her?"

So I did it! That night after work, in fact. It was difficult to pick between the pink, purple and teal I had on hand, but I ended up with the purple for a few reasons: it would blend in the most with my hair, therefore being the least noticeable by tattletale vultures; purple is my favorite color; and the purple fades beautifully, giving me leniency when it comes to maintenance. I love it, but it changes colors in different lighting, (in the sun = beautiful, in my office = it's black/blue/yuck) which makes it almost unnoticeable at times. My boss poked fun at me for not having the balls to go with the pink, which would've been the most noticeable, but I'm happy with how it came out over all.

Since this week at work went by with nothing but compliments (from those who actually noticed), I've already decided to try pink next as the purple fades. Squee~! I'm excited!


I've had enough, this is my prayer:
that I'll die living just as free as my hair
Lady GaGa — Hair

first video post

It's my very first web video! Eee! So, go easy on meh :] I've been so stressed out with work and then getting ready for the holidays, and THEN... THEN my toilet overflowed on Friday like whoa. I'm talking plumber and everything. All because I have long hair, of course. I always get blamed for the sink clogs. But I refuse to cut my hair! So, with that, I made a video to bridge the gap. Hopefully I'll have some more energy tomorrow to upload and post Thanksgiving pictures. We had a great time, made and ate WAY too much food, but that's what Thanksgiving is all about, right?! Ha. So anyway, enjoy!



[also, I now realize that my quickie tour of my room resulted in a panoramic view of my ceiling, so I'll repost a better view... maybe during the day, or at least with lights on!]

I can't get the sound to sync up... I'll do better next time!

to the brink

So much has happened in the last week it's hard to put it all into words! Once things calm down a little more, I'll update in depth. If you follow me on twitter, you know by now that I got a new job as of Friday! I'm so excited! But again, I'll go into that more later ;]

Ugh, I started writing this post yesterday, but then my internet went out right in the middle of it, so I lost most of what I wrote and had to post-pone until today :/ Anyway, today went by.. I'll say slow-fast. Looking back on it, the day seemed to be short, but this morning it seemed to drrraaaaaggggg. I was so tired! At 3am this morning, Chris and I awoke to the lovely sounds of Fish gagging up a storm, subsequently blowing kitty-food chunks all over my sheets, bed skirt, some clothes, and Chris' camera bag... to make matters worse, Chris threw paper towels we used to clean up the mess in the toilet, which then lead to a clog, which then lead to poor Chris plunging it out for close to half-an-hour. He's such a good man though, he didn't give up and fixed it even after helping me clean kitty barf AND even though it was 3am! He's the best!

In other, somewhat lame and probably unimportant news, I finally found some gray (NOT silver) nail polish yesterday! And since I just got finished painting my fingernails my favorite mint/pistachio green, I painted my nudie toenails:



This crappy phone picture does the color no justice! And yes, someone told me I have big toenails... I am quite aware, my index toenails are huge. But I like my other toes :]

On to an outfit post! After reading Jasmine's recent Dynamic Duo post on Transient Withdrawal, I was totally inspired to try this outfit! I realized that I had the same dress and so I wore this outfit the very next day! I actually took these pictures Thursday night, since I had Christopher and he wouldn't get off work until late late Friday.





cardigan/headband: gap
dress/bangle: forever 21
flower pin: gift from a friend
boots: target



I got SO many compliments on this outfit! And to think I wasn't too confident in it at first! The dress is a tad too short, but it was too hot to wear tights. Extreme shortness seems to be a trend in Forever 21 clothing! Most of the dresses I own from there I end up wearing with tights. I felt the boots balance out the shortness in this case, though. Another thing that made me a little wary was the cardigan. I am trying to get over this problem I've had since I lost about 20lbs in highschool. I got so excited about clothes actually fitting that I had a habit of buying things that didn't really look that good on me or even things I didn't really like that much just because I fit in them! I think in this case though, I had been looking for a red cardigan for so long, I just got excited and snatched up a medium without thinking. A medium would usually fit me fine, but Gap sizes run strange sometimes. But, instead of getting rid of it, I just wear it as a top instead of a cardigan. Although I wish it were a bit shorter so it hit my hips in a more flattering manner. Oh well.

So aside from the hectic work goings-on that I've been dealing with, I was also MIA this weekend because I decided to give my personal site an overhaul! Check it out when you get a chance! casolberger.com

I also revived my tumblr, so check that out too!

phew.

I am so sorry I haven't been updating! This weekend was one of the most stressful I've had since I graduated! Friday was an awful day work, spent mostly in tears, talking with all of my superiors at different times of the day as they tried to ensure me that I had nothing to worry about; apologizing and such. And Laurie got fired. I still can't believe it. I want to get out of there as soon as I have a window. Hopefully that'll be soon. A friend of mine who also got abruptly fired from where I work helped me get an interview in another advertising department. I had that interview yesterday, and it went well I think. They really liked my portfolio, and I had to take a little test to make sure I could really use the programs ( of course I can! ). So I was a bag of nerves ALL day yesterday, and most of the preceding weekend, and today was non-stop busy at my current job. Ugh. I haven't made it to the gym lately, and I've been eating terribly, trying to cope with all this stress. I tried to get back in groove today, but the jobs were just mounting up, and I had to waste time this morning moving into another new office with the rest of the artists. So, on the positive side, I now have a door/window I can open and feel the breeze, and a much, much bigger desk :]




shirt/bangle: forever 21
necklace: antique'd
skirt: urban outfitters
tights (self-ripped, ha): target
booties: charlotte russe
purse: modcloth (part of my grab bag!)




Christopher and I went on a date to celebrate his new job and to smooth over my terrible Friday. We went to Butch Cassidy's for burgers and beer and I even had a coupon for a free appetizer! So, of course, we got fried pickles, YUM.


On Sunday, we met up with some people at the Renaissance Faire! I've always seen it advertised, but this is the first year I've actually gone! It was a lot of fun! I took over 550 pictures! I put the best on my flickr, so go take a look! It would take me days to put them all on my blog, but they're great pictures.

So anyway, I'm not sure how often this week I'll get to post an outfit, but I'll try to keep updating with other interesting things. I'm just ready for next week so I only have to go to work 3 days, and then I get to cook, eat and hang out with family. Phew. Only a little over a week away! I hope work isn't too busy tomorrow... I need to get back on my lunch-time workout routine. I swear sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me sane, haha.

Wish me luck that I got that job! I hope, I hope, I hope!!!

if one door closes...

My office-mate, Laurie, and I were called into my CEO's office today with the CEO, COO, and the head of print production of the "ad agency" that I work for. I was handed an ad I did earlier that morning with red pen marks all over it, indicating the errors I had made. Most of the glaring errors where price discrepancies while the rest were stupid, cosmetic and totally unnecessary. The CEO told me all that I had done wrong, completely overwhelming me and catching me off guard. The way we work is, Laurie and I do the ads, and another coworker (my supervisor of sorts) is then supposed to proofread the ad, tell me my mistakes, which I fix, and give to the production department to proof again, who then sends the ad to Nikon, who gives a final proof before it's printed. The ad that was shown to me had made it all the way to production with all the errors I had made. No one ever came to me to tell me that I had made a mistake, like they're supposed to. Instead, I was completely caught off guard and I broke down in tears as I tried to stand up for myself and explain why I made the mistakes and felt like I just wanted to crawl under a rock. It was awful. Laurie just sat there silently while I pleaded my case. I couldn't believe it. My supervisor is what I considered once of my best friends at this job, and instead of coming to me, telling me I made a mistake (like what's in her JOB to do, and what also would be FRIENDLY of her to do) she instead just got me in trouble. In such trouble that it involved all three of those higher-ups I mentioned in the beginning. I feel, "thrown under the bus," as a contestant on a Brave reality tv show might say. I was, and still am, so upset. This didn't have to happen. I didn't have to get called out, but I was and I cried and felt like the stupid little crying girl who can't take any criticism.

It hurts. I feel betrayed. And all this when I was just starting to come to terms with my job and the fact that it was boring but that I was getting paid well and it really wasn't that bad. Oh man. I hope I don't get fired. I just bought this laptop and still need to pay it off. I don't know what I'm going to do. Laurie had to stay in the meeting once I left, and they gave her the same treatment. She has a strong feeling she's going to be fired. After 10+ years. I don't even know what I'm going to do if they fire her! She's my office-mate! I'll be all alone in that little room... unless they put someone else in there with me. Please God no. At least let me sulk and pout alone in my office. And I really hope they don't put my supervisor (the one who caused all this) in there with me. I'd die.

I already wanted to leave Mobile, get a more creative job and finally live a life I want to live... but I really wasn't planning on pursuing that until after the holidays. But the way things are looking now... I dunno. I'm worried about all this going down right before the holidays, before my laptop is paid off, before I've saved the money I wanted to save... but as long as I can stay for the holidays, I don't care after that. I don't think they'll fire me per say, but I definitely don't put it past them to "encourage me to quit."



*sigh*
With all that said, at least the sky was pretty on my drive home. And since I was so upset, I decided not to make an outfit post, although I did dress extra cute today. After crying all my makeup off, I just wasn't in the mood. I'm gonna make it through this though, I have no doubt about that. I already have some ideas! Onward and upward!