Saturday, April 02, 2011

friends? who?

I really probably shouldn't even blog about this.

The more I read updates from my "friends" in Mobile on twitter and facebook, the more depressed I get about not having any friends. And, yea, that's totally an overstatement. I do have friends, I do have people I can talk to and such, but it just kills me that people I once considered my friends don't even check in on me. Ever. And I'm always torn with the idea that... am I the one supposed to be calling/texting them? Letting them know I'm thinking about them? I just feel that it should be the other way around. Am I crazy? Is that self-centered? I really don't know anymore.

All I want is a text now-and-then saying, "Hey, X happened, it made me think of you." But instead I just barely got birthday wishes from these people. It's like I'm taking their updates personally. Like, I'm supposed to feel like I was never a vital part of any of those people's lives, and that their doing absolutely fine without me... like I was never there. Like, "look at us, we're having so much fun, we could give two shits if you left or if you ever came back."

I understand I don't live in Mobile anymore. BUT I ONLY LIVE 1 HOUR AWAY. I would be a lot more understanding if I'd moved to California or something. Why is it that no one cares? Not even enough for a little "hi" once in a while. Of course everything is going to keep going now that I've left. But things had already continued like I'd already left even before I knew I was leaving.

What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to feel hurt by this? Am I supposed to ignore it, and when I see these people again, act happy to see them, like they actually missed me? Am I supposed to forget about them, make new friends, live my life like I never knew them? Am I supposed to be the one trying to salvage the friendship, since it seems that I'm the only one who cares?

God, I miss my "friends" so much...


gee said... [Reply to comment]

i have felt this way before MANY times.
glad you wrote this post and know i am not the only one.. ;)
have a wonderful weekend love.