Wednesday, May 08, 2013

new approach

Already? It's only a week into this "new" plan and it's already failing. We did go to the gym last night which was good, and I stayed in my calorie limit, which is good... but today I was faced with my ultimate challenge: eating out... I didn't fail per say, but I did let the event spark a downward spiral into failing. I ordered a veggie thin crust pizza at the place we went to eat, only had 3 slices and a glass of water... even resisted the urge to spring for a cupcake at my favorite cupcake place in Ocean Springs while we were there. But then, we got home, I had 2 more slices of pizza, then went to a coffee shop to meet someone for a craigslist trade where I drank a medium iced vanilla hazelnut soy latte, and then I brought up the idea to go see Iron Man 3... where I basically ate an entire bag of popcorn, with butter, and my share of a large Dr. Pepper. I also just finished 2 more slices of pizza! Agchk!

So here's the deal: I'm really tired of failing. I need something that can work for me in such a way that I can incorporate it into my daily schedule. I can't count calories my entire life. I've been researching and getting inspired by clean eating, which is the easiest of all "diets" because it's not a diet... it's what we're naturally supposed to be eating. No processed junk, mostly home-cooked meals, and little splurges here and there (natural onces, of course). I love cooking so there's that. And I'm already used to not eating most processed junk; I pop my own popcorn, sodas (diet or not) are a rare treat, I scrutinize labels, and I've never really been into packaged chips and the like.

I feel like if I could just get a routine down I'd be good to go. We went to the gym last night and that worked out just fine... I felt better knowing I had no obligations once we finished (having to make sure I'm home in time to eat, shower, and dress before work gives me an anxiety that reflects in my workouts). I did have a little trouble falling asleep, but with my schedule, sleeping-in isn't an issue. We're obviously not going tonight since it's 10:45 and Ben's deep into an online game with his brother and I'm here typing this still in a movie-hangover (you ever have that? Where you just sat through a 2 hour movie and you're still stuck feeling like Robert Downey Jr. really is out there saving the world as Iron Man?).

I want to eat clean. I want to stop counting calories. I want to break this cycle.
But I think I'm afraid of success... Which is like the stupidest thing to be afraid of.